picture perfect

i look at my reflection, &i ask the mirror, 'what is perfect?'. if i chisel my cheekbones, shave my face hardwood smooth, dim the fluorescent lighting to a soft glow, wash the hair &scrub the skin &correct the posture; will i be perfect? what if i change my eyes, or color my hair, or taste the cardboard hollow of making myself thin the marykate way? how about i refine my body so that i can fit into that perfect size xs shirt i saw in hollister, &while i'm there, how about i get some fake self esteem to match? maybe i should take after ken, because that seems to have worked out for all the mannequins in the department stores.
OR, i could butcher, defy, challenge, &deny, &kill the lights, &avoid all reflective surfaces, &slice the idea [perfect] open; would i have then created a new definition of what perfect might [or could] be? blemished skin, yellow smiles like yield signs [to stop &stare at, of course] &diamond burns covering the skin that's tied tight around my bones to keep the wires &churning gears of my heart in place, could that be the new perfect?
i pick back up &glue &nail &tape all that i try to get rid of, because you can't change everything [even with a little help from dr. 90210].
so i remain still &listen as everyone laughs &conversates with someone they think is me, but all the while i sit &stare at my own reflection in the black surface of their eyes, &i press replay in my mind of what is [or could be] perfect.

You said

You wanted to change the world, but I told you [more than a thousand
times] that you have already changed mine.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Today

Happy 4twenT! ;]
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

This weekend :DD

I seent ma honey bunches of oats, kayla, this weekend!!! It was soo
great. I miss you bbygrl. :'( come back NOW! We just rode around
&talked, but I had the best time urrr. I luhh U sweetheart, &next time
we can't wait that long!!!!! Not seeing you since november= not healthy.
Take care love.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

NEWEST OBSESSION!!!!!!!!!

his name is frankmusik &he's taking over the werld.

oh btw, how are you?

No ones gonna love you

the sky hung with tear-shaped stars, the wisteria tinted bluer
from the shade of the world at night, i kissed your face and told you
i loved you, because i did and it was not just a small sentence
that fell out of my mouth and into your vulnerable head, like all the
things
you told me, you'd be my wife and you wanted nothing more than the
smell of
my skin as your head was pressed against my ribcage feeling the life
beat
inside of me, and no matter how many times you've told me you miss
those times,
i still know that you are just a nostalgic baby girl, beautiful and
broken just as
the days when mama said she'd make everything okay. she was right but
baby girls
need to grow up, and sometimes making everything okay
only makes everything worse, and the love i had for you was the
simplest kind
where i only wanted to watch you bloom. just like the flowers in the
night,
you disappeared during all the dark times when you were needed the
most
because heaven knows beautiful things need sunshine to be seen,
even with red eyes.
i watched you flourish lazily in the morning, and you were again MIA.
someone must have picked you away, and placed you on a mantel
to be appreciated loosely and tended to sloppily
to be fed aspirin tablets, and water, and grow old, and boring, and
die, 
and although your beauty is no doubt a missing piece of this still-life
i call my days,
i still know that flowers are like girls
just as girls are to fashion, attractive and adored
but fleeting fast and ready to bloom into something
so much harder to accommodate.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

To the left

To left with the crazy shiiz, please, stop whining like a baby biiitch.
Next time you think you're special, think again. You're not too hard to
replace. ;) js
But good luck to ya @whatever you decide to do!
As for me, imma get mine. Imma keep mine. Imma deserve mine. &imma
cherish mine. :D
Because the unattainable is so much more great once you have it.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

To the left

To left with the crazy shiiz, please, stop whining like a baby biiitch.
Next time you think you're special, think again. You're not too hard to
replace. ;) js
But good luck to ya @whatever you decide to do!
As for me, imma get mine. Imma keep mine. Imma deserve mine. &imma
cherish mine. :D
Because the unattainable is so much more great once you have it.